Halftime

A couple of weeks ago I turned 50 years old, which is a sentence my fingers feel strange typing because in my mind I’m still somewhere in my late 20s. Age perception is weird like that. There’s a polite assumption your loved ones (and your financial planner) like to make, which is that you will live to be 100 years old. Actuarial tables tell a more likely story, but I don’t care: I’m going to try to reach centenarian status.

Working back from there, I think of this 50th birthday as halftime—that pause mid-game when players get to run off the field, take a breather, review what’s happened so far, and strategize what’s next (ideally while Shakira and J. Lo do this show).

So let’s review some halftime facts. I’m no longer in my late 20s, which means I’ve got less energy and more experience. Right now in this very moment, everyone alive is the oldest we’ve ever been and therefore the wisest, at least in terms of experiential knowledge—the things you get to learn with your own body by living through them.

A few of those things are on my mind these days, which I will carry with me into my second half.

1. The best you can do is the thing you love doing. When something doesn’t work for you, gutting it out isn’t noble. Seeking joy and fulfillment isn’t selfish. When you light yourself up, you light up the world.

2. Wealth does not equal success. Even though it’s the most common, universal scoreboard in the West, how much money you make or have is not a score that indicates how well you’re doing. Once your needs are met, more money doesn’t bring more fulfillment, meaning, love, lasting joy, or purpose. It’s just a tool that reduces discomfort. See also: wealthy people are often miserable.

3. The most valuable generational wealth is love. One of my best childhood experiences was watching Dad arrive home from work and give Mom a kiss hello in our kitchen—weeknight after weeknight, without fail. Of all the things my parents gave me, their best gift was steady, unconditional love and a model of how people who are married for decades raising 4 kids together love each other. (Miss you, Dad.)

4. Sharing builds connections. I’m a naturally private person who has become more protective of my privacy over the years. But my best and closest relationships only happened once I opened up, and became willing to share more of myself, especially the hard stuff. Not everyone is safe or able to share things about themselves, and certainly you must choose your recipients and settings wisely. But you don’t experience things to keep. You experience it to give it back.

5. Everything changes. Change is a universal law of nature, though it’s easier to see in some places than others. As a parent I’m in a constant state of low-key grief for the baby I used to have and surprise at re-meeting the person this kid is becoming. That change is happening to every person and every situation. Over time everything becomes something else, including ourselves. It’s a terrifying gift.

Getting older means getting wiser, and sometimes wisdom is knowing what you don’t know. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next, but I do know this: the game’s not over yet, and anything can happen. This isn’t practice and there are no redo’s. And the most exciting plays are ahead.