Net fulfillment over net worth
The most common piece of personal finance advice out there is to “know your net worth”—the number that represents your assets minus your liabilities. As a money nerd supporting a family in an expensive city, for years I viewed that number as a measure of how well we were doing.
It’s easy to make a number more important than it is. When the number went up, I felt good. When it went down, I felt bad. Eventually, I realized: this game is meaningless. It’s putting points on the most boring scoreboard in the world. That’s why my favorite idea in Bill Perkins’ book Die with Zero is prioritizing net fulfillment over net worth.
I’d rather spend my time and energy trying to live the most fulfilling life I can than to accumulate a sum of money. Money itself doesn’t build relationships, create memories, bring you closer to your loved ones, or express who you are to the world. It’s how you spend money that can make those things easier.
When you optimize for net fulfillment over net worth, it’s a whole different game. It shifted my “save to make number go up” mindset to a different frame: “spend what we are able to on the things that matter most.”
So what are the things that matter most? This is a personal question, and you will have your own answers. Three years ago, I added a “Net Fulfillment” tab in front of the “Net Worth” tab in my personal finance spreadsheet. I use it to jot down the things I got the most fulfillment from, whether they cost money or not. Filling in and looking over the list each month is my favorite part of managing our money. Things that require discretionary money often make the list—like travel, home improvement projects, gifts, and going to shows. Things that don’t cost money also make appearances—like time with friends and family, enjoying nature, moving my body, learning and making things, and time to myself.
Once I started looking at our finances through the lens of net fulfillment, I wanted to cut every low-fulfillment expense. Again this list will be different for everyone. For me, it includes “stuff” that clutters our space but doesn’t bring enough value to justify it. Subscriptions that aren’t worth it. Tools I fight with or don’t enjoy using. Items that don’t look good or elevate the space they take up in my life aesthetically. Activities and social obligations that I do because I’m supposed to, not because I want to. Mindless purchases I make because I’m looking for a dopamine hit; things I need because I didn’t plan or think ahead; buying things to prove myself to others, or manage appearances. These kinds of purchases will always happen because I’m human, but an honest inventory helps me be more aware of it going forward.
The ability to save money is an important life skill, and so is the ability to spend it well. When I look at everything my family spends our money on, my goal isn’t to spend the least possible so we can save the most anymore. Instead, it is to spend as much money, time, and effort as we are able to on the things that bring the most joy, meaning, connection, and satisfaction.