Once we give up searching for approval we often find it easier to earn respect.
— Gloria Steinem in her book Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions. Rest in peace and thank you for everything.
I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die.
The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.
— Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird, one of my favorite books about writing.
January 1st may be an arbitrary Gregorian boundary condition, but I love an annual moment to take stock and plan change. This year I’m focusing less on resolutions to achieve ambitious goals—write a book, run a marathon, drop 40 pounds—and more on intentions to improve my daily habits in small ways. Things like: plug my phone in another room before I go to bed, start my day with morning pages, eat a hearty breakfast to fuel the day, stop snacking after a lighter dinner, add one more workout per week.
I’m only fifteen days in here, but so far, so good. The first week I had to train my attention on these changes and work to make them. This week, they are feeling a bit easier and more automatic. If I keep at it, at some point these changes will be no-brainers, and it’ll be time to make new tweaks and improvements. Wish me luck. What changes are you making in 2026?
High achievers are perhaps the most insecure people among us. Competitive people behave the way they do because without those daily victories they struggle to accept themselves. They need constant reminders, promotions, or media attention to feel good about who they are.
Despite how much public praise they receive, for many, achievement is a way to mask self-loathing, depression, anxiety or shame. Perfectionism and ambition can be coping mechanisms, with the unusual bonus that other people reward them for coping in this way.
— Scott Berkun is writing a new book about rules to live by, and this one is about aiming for stories versus perfection.
How does anyone achieve something big? The answer is always, “They worked hard and got lucky.”
Most people emphasize how hard they worked to accomplish something. Others looking at them think they got lucky. It’s never one or the other. It’s both/and. Lots of people work hard and never get lucky. Some people get lucky but don’t put in the work. Those are the folks you don’t hear about.
When you get sucked into our collective fascination with the heroes, champions, geniuses, and creators who have achieved a level of success, don’t forget both the hard work and good luck involved.
Not long ago my writing group was discussing how to process criticism of your work, and I shared
Ann Friedman’s classic Disapproval Matrix. First, know where the criticism is coming from. Feedback from folks in the top two quadrants is what matters.
Just sent the first installment of the newsletter. When I confirmed it arrived in my inbox, I noticed a typo.
The key difference between an email and a web page: once it’s been sent, you can’t fix typos in an email. This typo is forever cemented in my inbox, right smack dab in issue #1.
The typo could haunt me for the rest of my days. Or, I could view it as a personal monument to practice over perfection.
I often get asked, “What would you tell your 16-year-old self?” I’d tell her to get over the perfectionist thing. Stop trying to be a straight-A student. We think striving for perfection is an accelerant but, in reality, it makes you risk-averse, emotionally bound to your scorecard. It’s too hard to live under that.
— Sarah Friar, saying a helpful thing for my 40-something-year-old self.
